Strawberry Pecan infusion with Almonds.

This is a cold desert that may seem decadent and it is. However it is not hard to make. The worst part is waiting for it to cool. Grab your garters, all you sweets lovers, cause it's about to get real frosty up in here.

First you will need to grab a few things. Your electric beater; unless your strong enough to whip it - whip it real good; your bowls and muffin tins, the lap top and your favorite movie. Better make it two. This is gonna take time.

Lets be honest, most of us don't know a thing about baking. Well, I do - but instead of making you learn something you ether don't have the time or just may not be ready for, I'm going to make this easy. Let's cheat!

You will need:
1 box strawberry cake mix (...and whatever the directions on the box require. I'm not picky about this one, as it's your call on favorite, though I do recommend a 'moist' kind.)
1 gallon Butter Pecan Ice Cream (Whatever brand you like. I always recommend Blue Bunny. Because ... Bunnies.)
1 bag of sliced almonds (These you find in the cookie baking isle. You don't need expensive. Just make sure they are not slivered.)
1 large tub of whipped topping (Again, whatever kind you like. Many scream you have to have the 'whip' but the truth is - it's all the same. Just don't get the 'in a can' sort. You *need* from a tub)

Grab your favorite strawberry cake mix and follow the directions on the box. Make small muffins out of them.

No, they are not cup cakes. Cup cakes would imply you make them in an actual cup - like the kind you drink tea from- you know,  provided your coffee is real and not from a fast food/convenience store.

The idea originated in France - despite what some people will tell you - during the rule of King Lewie the 14th. The idea was to make a small bon-bon with a cake like outer layer, filled with a mouse and dipped in chocolate or icing. (Later sweet tooth, later!)

The french chef Aunrie deLurach had been challenged to make something as delicious as the petit fours that had delighted the royal family for ages. The problem is that the cake in those delicacies are not at all easy to make if your in 17th century France. Instead of making a whole cake he would test batter consistency by cooking just a small amount of it in old chipped cups. Suffice to say, he never quite got it right. Never the less the servants delighted in the small cakes, as they not only got to eat them, it allowed them to have something usually prohibitively exspencive in more affordable proportions.  Sugar was expensive back then. What are you gonna do? Things went to hell due to stupid and we all know what happened next. Yeah. Just got some learning up in here.

Let those muffins cool completely. If you have small children this may require cleverness. Send them to Grandmas, let them spend the night at a friends or throw them in the basement with as many broken chair legs as you can find to hunt down this Edward guy. Whatever works for you.

Stop eying the muffins. Go back to your movie.

About half way through your movie the cakes will be cool. Unless your watching something less than an hour long. If that's the case - what's wrong with you? Go get a real movie! Something with action, adventure, romance. Robots!

Take the cakes from the tins and grab your fancy glasses. If you want you can make a large one, you know - save on the dishes. If that's the case, follow the same instructions, just do it bigger. Stop trying to sneak a muffin!

Set aside as many muffins as you will be making individually. Unless your making a large one. The just use 'em all.

In your fancy glass crumble 2 muffins and smoosh 'em down until they form a firm but pliable base. This means put the full weight of your upper body on them for no less than 5 seconds. 10 if you're a light weight. What's a matter with 'cho! Eat something!

Once these are done put them in the freezer and pull out the ice cream. Empty the whole thing into a bow or mixer. Not a blender. We are not making milk shakes here. That's for another time.

Clean up. Wash your dishes, toss out your rappers, stop trying to sneak a bite of the ice cream,  and dry your hands.

Now grab your mixer. On low you want to beat that ice cream until it resembles fresh whipped cream. This means it should show waves from the beaters, but not lumps or water edges. You want it spreadable, not destroyed.

By now the muffins are starting to freeze. That step was very important as it keeps the ice cream from melting more than it needs to and makes it easier for it to freeze again.

In each glass put one scoop of ice cream. Get a warm bowl of water and make sure your hands are clean. You need to do this next part by hand. Push the ice cream down until it covers the entire muffin crumble using just your finger tips. You want to leave the cake showing through the glass. If you use a utensil the ice cream will stick to it or melt down into the muffin taking away that lovely ringed effect. Your will find your fingers start to freeze. That's why you have the water and elliptical machine; to keep the ice cream from clinging to your fingers and thighs.
 
Set out the whipped cream if it is frozen. If not, keep it in the fridge. That's not a movie time snack, though theaters would make so much more money if it were. Now put the glasses back in the freezer, leave the set aside muffins alone and go watch another rental. This time: Aliens.

When the movies done and you've calmed down enough to keep from reaching for the remaining sweets or liqueur cabinet to calm your love/hate/disappointment, it is time to add the next layer. More muffins. Like before, crumble them on top of the now reconstituted ice cream. This should leave you room on top for the next layer. If you made the big one, skip this step, you've already used all your muffins.

Grab your defrosted whipped cream and a spatula. On top of each serving put in a layer of whipped cream that takes it to the top of the glass and no further. The spatula will help you level it off. We're trying to have desert here, not a diabetes.

This is the fun and easy to mess up part. Take your sliced almonds and place them in a whimsical formation on top the whipped cream. I made a flower with mine. Not that artistic? Sprinkle them on, just don't be heavy with them. You're going for decor, not a crust.

Now for the hardest part. Put them in the freezer. Clean up your kitchen. Turn off the lights. Go to bed.

Yes. Go. To. Bed.

You see, when you pull these out tomorrow and let them defrost for about 10 minutes - or until you see the frost on the glass start to bead up - it will give the whipped cream a nice skin that is not at all like that nasty one you get on puddings. It will also bring the ice cream up to optimal temperature while leaving the muffin cold enough to enhance its flavors.

Didn't know muffins were better when allowed to be partially frozen?
Look at all the learning we have going on today!

Enjoy!

Pork in a Pineapple Vinegar Reduction

Pork in a pineapple vinegar reduction over sweet peas and browned rice.  I know it sounds difficult, costly even. However it is not. There are always things you have to do when you live by yourself. If you do not abuse your body needlessly, portioning your meat may be the most key thing for your health and longevity. But who says it has to be boring, or worse yet - expensive.

Remember that when you  buy quality things but use them measured and sparingly they last longer. I do this with many things, and thus can make cheap meats and cheaper side dishes out of practically anything tossed at me. Stop tossing things at me. What am I, a major league player or something? No. I'm not.

First the to do is to defrost two boneless pork chops.  Get two small pots, a small frying pan, your cutting board, a knife and a wooden spoon. Set your butter out to start softening. Now go away for no less than one hour while the pork defrosts. Do your hair, clean the gods awful mess in the bathroom, watch a T.V. show, whatever. Just make sure you wash your hands when your done.

Return to the kitchen with your lap top to follow this recipe and watch on-line T.V. or listen to an audio recording. Start your visual/audio entertainment.

Pull out the following:
Soy Sauce (I use Kikkoman. Black gold never tasted so good.)
Maple Syrup (This Must Be Real. None of that 'for pancakes' bull in This kitchen. You can blame Mike for that.)
Honey & Pineapple Teriyaki Glaze (Once again, Kikkoman. Ummm. Asian infusion.)
A1 (Whatever spice level you like. I use the original.)
Pomegranate Juice (I use POM, but whatever you like. If froze use only half the amount.)
Sushi Vinegar (No. You may *not* substitute. Sushi Vinegar is made to meld flavors and give a hint of tartness, not over power you with the taste of too-briny pickles. I use Sushi Chef.)
Sugar
Peas. (Frozen. Always buy frozen when you cannot buy fresh. The nutrients are locked in and the vegetables are better tasting with out being mush. Mush = not for you.)
Rice
Cinnamon

Alright. Easy part first. Start the rice. This will, by far, take the longest. Cook as directed. In case you have no directions it goes as thus:
1portion rice : 2 portions water. This means if you have 1/2 cup of rice you need 1 cup of water.
Remember the proper cooking is to boil the water and then add the rice. Stir until you are sure it's not going to be a lump at the bottom and leave it until it boils again. Cover it with a tight fitting lid and remove it from the heat. Leave it Alone. Do not even try to look at it until you are ready to plate your meal.

Second part is also easy. Water in pot. Add peas. This requires no special portion. Just as much as you think you can eat with out being a pig. Make sure the water covers the peas and set the pot on a back burner. Medium heat. Space out your enthusiasm, you only need to gently stir them twice during cooking.

Grab your large food spoon. The big one is a table spoon, the small one is for tea, or if you prefer: the small one is for  Ben and Jerry's (so it lasts longer), while the big one is for cereal. No one daintily eats cereal.

In the small frying pan add one splash of pomegranate juice. This should be enough to make 2 good swallows. Or if your picky: 1/4 a cup. To that add about 2 big spoons of soy sauce, 3 of maple syrup, 1 of A1 and 2 of the honey & pineapple teriyaki. mix it until blended. To this add 2 good splashes (2 big spoons) of sushi vinegar. Mix. You do it this way so that the pineapple is well mixed with the maple, glazing the pomegranate which will keep it from curdling when the vinegar splashes down. Sprinkle with cinnamon. This should be a light decorative dusting, no more. Mix it all together until you only see sauce, not recognizable ingredients.

Turn the frying pan burner on to medium.

Wiggle the mouse so the computer doesn't go all 'power saver' on you.

Plop the pork onto the cutting board and slice it into cubes. If you bought bone in, that's fine. just remove it.  By the time your done with that the sauce should be bubbling up but good. Drop in your meat and make sure it's evenly spread about the bottom of the pan. Try to not let the pieces overlap.

Wash your cutting board and utensils. Set them to drying. You missed a spot. Good. Now clean out the sink. Put your cullender in there and dry off your hands. Stir the peas and wiggle the mouse.

Back to the pork. Let it turn gray on one side before you turn all the pieces over. This is why you have an audio going. So you don't get bored and walk away leaving this delicious creation to burn. Shame on you for even thinking such a thing!

When you see the meat is almost done, (still plump in the middle, but tight on the outsides), take the meat out. Leave the sauce simmering until you think it's going to burn to the pan. It will look thick, sticky and not at all pleasant. While this is happening wiggle the mouse and stop eying the rice. Stir the peas and drain them.

In the pea pan add 2 pats (1 big spoon) of butter. If your still being picky your clearly not listening to a comedy. That translates into 1 tablespoon of butter. Unless your weird, in which case you buy margarine. That's no way to live.

To the butter add 2 pinches of sugar. That means you grab the raw sugar with your clean, dry fingers and pull upwards with a firm but loose grip then quickly put whatever you managed to get into the pot. Or if your *Still* being snobbish about your imperial measurements, 2 small spoons. Yeah. Stopped being snobbish, didn't ya?

Add the peas and put that mess back on the burner. Stir it until its well blended and turn the heat to low.  By now your reduction should be done.

Get away from the rice! Wiggle the mouse and add the pork back to the reduction. Saute` the pork until its got a nice crispy brown ring on it, flip it over and do that to the other side.

Meanwhile, open the rice. Check for water. If you see none, use your chosen weapon to fluff the rice. That is, make sure none of it sticks to the pot with out actually taking it *out* of the pot.

Take all the food off the burners.To the rice add 1 big spoon of butter and 2 big spoons of soy sauce. Stir. Umm.Looks so good!

Now to plate!

I use square plates because you cannot microwave them. Nothing says home made like a plate you know wont fit in the micronuker.

Take the pot of rice and turn it upside down in the middle of the plate. Make sure you get out every last bit of deliciousness. Put the pot in the sink, or better yet, wash it really quick while it's still easy and labor saving! Spread the rice to the edge of the center of the plate. That's about a 3/4 to 1" away from the edges. For those who do not remember high school, some with good reason, a number followed by " is math for that many inches.

Take that delicious, wondrous soy sauce and run it in ribbon format over the rice. Put all those ingredients away now. Yes, there you go. A tidy kitchen is a kitchen that doesn't leave you depressed in the morning.

Now add the peas to the center. I just pour them out, making sure to get all that sugar base with it, then spread them over the rice, leaving about 1/2" of the brown stuff showing. You should have a nice thin coating of peas. Unless your a piggy.

Wash that pot out too. Look! Your dishes are almost done. Good for you.

Take the frying pan and dump the contents on top the peas in the center. This you can leave piled. It looks like more, so your brain will tell your stomach it *is* more. Thus you feel full on less. It's psychological magic!

Grab a fork, or two if your generously sharing, and pour your drinks. Do not eat over the sink you slob! Go sit in front of the T.V. like normal people. Before you take that first bite remember to set the pan to soaking and make sure all your burners are turned off. Sprinkle them with cinnamon if you like, as the smell is sweet and homey with out being in your face.

Enjoy!